Olympic Games Debuts - Biathlon Mixed Relay | 90 Seconds Of The Olympics

I was watching some of this biathlon stuff from Sochi today and wondered "why not just shoot at the other competitors instead of little white targets?" It would certainly make it somewhat more interesting for me and watching someone ski faster than Franz Klammer UP HILL...well... can we say viral????? The down side, the silver and bronze medals would need to be awarded posthumously. Just saying. 

anyways, here are some rules changes I would like to see "incorporated" for the Biathlon events in the upcoming 2018 Winter Games in  Pyongyang, South Korea.


1) Shotgun Start (no pun intended). Unlike a "Shotgun" start in golf where competitors start at different locations on the course, ALL skiers start together with a starter/official pointing a shotgun at them and yelling GO! (the starter actually has TWO functions).

2) ALL competitor weapons will be empty of ammo for the first 25 yards of the race and then loading can commence. This will enable the initial "mad dash" to capture an audience. Skiers who are caught "loading" BEFORE the 25 yrd. marker will be strictly penalized (remember the starter and his shotgun?... that's right, "Right in the kisser Alice").

3) Double taps and "go-backs to shoot the lifeless corpse" are not encouraged but if a competitor feels compelled to attempt these thrilling moves then they are strongly asked to wave their arms prior to attempt so NBC can get a camera crew there.

4) Any competitor that CLEANLY shoots the eye out of a another competitor will be awarded a "Bob Costas" and extra points (not that they matter) will also be awarded and shooting BOTH eyes will be considered a.... yes, that's right... a "DOUBLE COSTAS" and the competitor gets their own half-hour show on FoxSports1.

5) If at anytime during the competition Evgeni Plushenko is spotted taking in the race as a spectator, a skier can shoot the poor guy and put him out of his misery. If this occurs then IMMEDIATELY the race stops and the remaining skiers, minus Evgenis retirement planner, MUST drop their weapons and successfully pull off a Triple Salchow... with skis. Those who complete this maneuver are free to ski off into the woods and play another day. The others must regain their weapons and shoot themselves. This maneuver will be called a "Cobain" and no points are awarded.


then maybe I'll watch it again in 4 years.